Lost in music

I LOVE music; I spend a great deal of time everyday “Lost in Music”. There are worst places to be.

Today, for example, I have had the current UK number one song Despacito in my head all day long. It’s an upbeat song and feel good so actually it’s been ok to be singing it in my mind all day.

I find it harder to be lost in music when I have a depressing song stuck in my mind. I can feel caught in a trap and down when that happens but the reality is that all it is doing is helping me fully understand my feelings at a moment in time.

Music affects and reflects my mood massively. It always has done and I have actually found it a good way to help me express how I feel.

The message for today through the song “Despacito” has been “slowly,” because, progress is always slow. Progress is continuous; that is a lesson that I am constantly told as, deep down, I consider I am one of the most impatient people on the planet.

Being lost in music helps me appreciate that my dreams are indeed possible. It also regularly reminds me that I am only human in dealing with the trials and tribulations of life. The messages that come through the medium of music to me are, always true to who I am, how I feel, and, where I am in life.

I will continue to embrace being ‘lost in music.’

Unforgettable (Part 1)

It’s been an unforgettable week.

My great aunt sadly died, she attained an impressive old age and, although it wasn’t unexpected,the loss of her feels very heavy.

She was the same generation as my amazing grandmother who passed away just over a year ago in similar circumstances. It’s, in fact, uncomfortably familiar the way their deaths came about. Too soon, too painful, too emotional.

The funeral will be soon and I will go to pay my respects and say goodbye. I feel it will be a difficult day, for many. Funerals are never particularly easy, are they?

This weekend I got to attend my sister in laws wedding. What a brilliant, joyful experience that has been! So much love, so much happiness, so much beauty.

I have also attended a show this weekend; spectating and supporting two good friends. They both did brilliantly, genuinely amazing experiences at first time shows for everyone.

I feel a mixture of emotions right now. I am really happy for Kim and Colin on their special day, I too feel really sad for the loss of a tremendous lady that I can proudly say was my great aunt and unbelievably at the same time I also feel proud for the successes of my friends in their showing classes this week.

My life lesson this week is that it is truly possible to feel contradictory emotions at the exact same time; overjoyed and immensely sad; weird.

It’s been an unforgettable week.

Here we go

Well my boy incurred a muscular injury in his back about a month ago and, although repaired very quickly once treated, flared up again when I bounded back into training and competing. He still managed to attain his highest mark ever at a dressage competition whilst injured though which, I think, is pretty amazing.

Retrospectively I should have taken more time returning him to work but as many of you know I’m incredibly impatient and I know deep down that he is brilliant and wanted to share that with the world. I pushed him too hard, too soon – tut tut.

I’ve learnt my lesson though, slowly and surely is the way forward.

Today he has, thankfully, be given the thumbs up physically and so, bracing myself at the same time, I am inclined to say…..

Here we go…..

Live forever

I was naive; like many i suppose.

There were certain people in my life that i assumed would be around “forever” but, if I thought about it realistically, of course, nobody “lives forever” do they?

It is more than probable that those that were around before you were born are likely to depart this earth before you do. That’s a somewhat sobering thought; it’s unpleasant and puts a nasty taste in your mouth.

My Granma was one of those who I considered would always be around. She actually was the first to hold me when I was born.

No-one likes to think of our important loved ones leaving us but it’s an experience that many of us will go through. What comfort is there for that?

There is this.

In my opinion those who touch our soul never truly leave us. They may leave in the physical sense, which is dreadfully difficult to adjust to, but, they will always remain in our hearts and therefore they do, in a way, live forever.

It doesn’t necessarily help with the feeling of missing them everyday though, does it? X

Rather be

My horses are my absolute pleasure. I say this despite the slog of winter.

When I’m riding (and there is no pressure) there is absolutely nothing that beats that feeling.

I’m working incredibly hard to better myself as far as my equestrian ability goes. I want to feel less anxiety and less pressure in the competition arena; that is, ultimately, my aim.

I have high expectations as to where i might end up but, actually, the end result doesn’t really matter.

I’m trying my best and, in the meantime, there is no place i would rather be. X

We don’t need no education

It always amuses me when I meet people who “know everything.”

I will never profess to be such a person. I consider there is always more to learn, in every aspect of life.

In my opinion the reality is that you never know everything and, in my eyes, it’s an impossibility to achieve perfection. However, so far in my life, I have met many who feel that they have already accomplished it. These types of people can no longer be educated because they already “know it all.”

I consider perfection is constantly just out of reach encouraging us to always strive for more. Ironically I am somewhat of a perfectionist myself. I constantly have the motto of “must do better” nagging at me in everything I do.

My viewpoint on life is that you have the opportunity to learn until the day you die and we constantly have the opportunity to do better. If there is one thing I will definitely do during my lifetime it will be to try and be the very best I can be at everything I do. I am not saying I will be perfect, obviously, but I am going to try my absolute best to be as successful as I can be in my ventures whilst constantly learning during my journey. I will not however ever be that person to argue with those who say,

“We don’t need no education.”

They will learn, or will they? Ultimately it’s their choice, and their loss or gain depending on how you look at it.

Flame

There has always been, for me, a “flame” as far as my horse Corgan is concerned. He has spirit; that is an understatement.

“Hold, my, fire screaming inside.”

Over the four years of ownership I have had many tell me he was too much for me, even my own husband asked me, at one point, to consider selling him and get something less hot but that flame (in it’s modest form) is what makes us work.

I am slowly learning how the relationship should function and, although I have been encouraged by many to give up with him, I, actually, never will. He is, deep down, amazing and I am determined to let him demonstrate how great he is. There is a tremendous flame there and I want to show people how utterly fantastic he is.

We both have passion, we both have spirit, we both have aspiration and our flame, our moment, is within reaching distance.

I really feel that.

“Hold, my, flame and set alight.”

I don’t want to live forever

In my mind life is a journey. There are many lessons to learn along the way and our individual lives take the unique path that’s required for us to be able to learn.

At the same time as our personal travels there are many others on their own individual adventures.

It’s hard to see those around you learn lessons whether we have experienced them ourselves already or not.

Life is a journey and everyone’s path, although slightly varied, is actually so very similar; we all have never-ending lessons to learn.

The end of the journey is not the end of the learning

Find Me

As many of you who follow me as an author know, music is a huge part of my life. Most of the hundreds of blogs I have written have either song titles or lyrics as their titles.

Music inspires me and helps me massively on a daily basis.

When my dog Bella went missing two years ago many inspiration current pop songs helped me through the experience and the same is true for the recent experience of losing and then finding our dear treasured cat, Fudge.

Starboy and The Greatest both inspired me to write about Fudge. Also, the song Find Me by Sigma was a song that I seemed to hear a lot when he was missing and, my God, I was trying so hard to find him.

Of course it was a miracle to find Bella after eight weeks of being missing a mere 230miles away from home but there has, of course ,been another miracle given to me; that of actually finding Fudge.

That song Find Me helped me whilst Fudge was missing. It kept telling me not to give up and gave me hope that I would one day find him. I just didn’t know when.

I am so grateful of the messages that are sent to me through music. I consider them magical, inspirational messages in times of need.

Music, for me, is really the soundtrack of my life and I’m blessed to have that, as well as many other wonderful things, in my life.

Starboy

The search for Fudge has made him into a star. He already had a fan base because (those who know him will agree) he really is quite a remarkable cat and has an established reputation locally but, now he really is famous.

His picture has been everywhere social media, local press, shop windows, lampposts. So many joined in to try and reunite him with his family that love him more than words can say.

He’s been in our childrens’ lives for as long as they can remember and, of course, he’s been in my lovely husband’s life longer than I have. It was such a desperate thing to have him lost. I’m crying now, with happiness.

I can’t thank people enough for all the positivity, love, support and help that they have poured into the situation. All of the family have struggled the six weeks he has been missing – I actually blame the stress for having not been really well for a while but, surprisingly, I feel almost 100% better today.

I’m so grateful to be welcoming back our little star boy. The family hasn’t been the same without you Fudge.

Welcome home my beautiful friend. X

Love$ick

Gosh it’s a struggle without him.

It always is.

I feel myself riddled with anxiety and my insomnia is on absolute overdrive.

I spend most of the day feeling exhausted and sick even though I can’t actually stomach much.

Counting the days until he returns.

I need you, I want you.

I’m lovesick.

The Greatest

There is absolutely no question, as far as I am concerned, that Fudge is The Greatest Cat alive that I have ever known.

Arguably everyone considers their cat the greatest but, let me tell you the reasons why I consider Fudge Jenkins is worthy of such a title and then you can decide for yourself.

He loves a journey in the car, he loves to walk with the dogs on the beach, he loves a visit to the pub for some good old pub grub, he loves to accompany me at the horses, he loves to follow us into town, he loves to scavenge in the bins and bring back scraps for his two fellow housebound catty friends, he loves cuddles, he loves kisses, he loves to open the front door and let himself in and out, he loves to visit local shops, he loves to hang out with friends on The Killacourt, he loves to loiter on the taxi rank on Trebarwith Crescent.

This is just a small incite into the life of Fudge which is a constant and continuous adventure. He will continue to the be ‘The Greatest’ in my mind which is why I am not ready to give up and I won’t give up in my search for him. I got stamina.

Come home Fudge, I have a book to finish writing about your great adventures and I really don’t feel I can do it without you by my side encouraging me. X

Nothing Will Ever Change My Love For You

Fudge is lost and it’s almost unbearable.

It seems no matter what I do the message just isn’t getting through.

You need to come home Fudge.

Even if the odds are out, even if the words run out, even if the times are tough, nothing will ever change my love for him.

I will spend as long as necessary looking for Fudge, just as I did when Bella was missing.

I like to believe that the message from him is “I’m coming home to you.”

I truly hope you know, Fudge, that whatever happens, nothing will ever change my love for you.

He’s an absolute legend.

It’s a beautiful day

Everyday is a beautiful day. There are always beautiful things to appreciate but whether we are open to seeing them is an entirely different thing.

It’s actually up to you what you focus on each day of your life; the beautiful things or the not so beautiful things.

I could bore everyone with the not so beautiful things in my life but I prefer to make people appreciate how many beautiful things surround us; a beautiful family, beautiful animals, beautiful friendships and ultimately beautiful days.

Talk to the Animals

I have realized today that some of the best conversations I have had in my life have been with animals.

That is surreal but true.

Examples, to name but a few, include the dog who showed me she was stuck in brambles, the cat who showed me she had drowned, the horse that showed me why she was so frightened of people, the dog who showed me the moment she had died.

I became conscious today of how much I do talk to animals somewhat more so than I do humans. Today I spoke to all 5 of my herd of horses (some more than others), both dogs, my pet pheasant and all 3 of my cats. They have all had some form of interaction although there were some harsh words towards naughty Phoenix (one of our cat babies) who has now decided having watched Fudge too many times open the door by himself it is a task that he needs to at least attempt.

Do you know what you get when you talk to the animals? You get the truth, feelings and true emotion. Love my work. X