We don’t need no education

It always amuses me when I meet people who “know everything.”

I will never profess to be such a person. I consider there is always more to learn, in every aspect of life.

In my opinion the reality is that you never know everything and, in my eyes, it’s an impossibility to achieve perfection. However, so far in my life, I have met many who feel that they have already accomplished it. These types of people can no longer be educated because they already “know it all.”

I consider perfection is constantly just out of reach encouraging us to always strive for more. Ironically I am somewhat of a perfectionist myself. I constantly have the motto of “must do better” nagging at me in everything I do.

My viewpoint on life is that you have the opportunity to learn until the day you die and we constantly have the opportunity to do better. If there is one thing I will definitely do during my lifetime it will be to try and be the very best I can be at everything I do. I am not saying I will be perfect, obviously, but I am going to try my absolute best to be as successful as I can be in my ventures whilst constantly learning during my journey. I will not however ever be that person to argue with those who say,

“We don’t need no education.”

They will learn, or will they? Ultimately it’s their choice, and their loss or gain depending on how you look at it.

Flame

There has always been, for me, a “flame” as far as my horse Corgan is concerned. He has spirit; that is an understatement.

“Hold, my, fire screaming inside.”

Over the four years of ownership I have had many tell me he was too much for me, even my own husband asked me, at one point, to consider selling him and get something less hot but that flame (in it’s modest form) is what makes us work.

I am slowly learning how the relationship should function and, although I have been encouraged by many to give up with him, I, actually, never will. He is, deep down, amazing and I am determined to let him demonstrate how great he is. There is a tremendous flame there and I want to show people how utterly fantastic he is.

We both have passion, we both have spirit, we both have aspiration and our flame, our moment, is within reaching distance.

I really feel that.

“Hold, my, flame and set alight.”

I don’t want to live forever

In my mind life is a journey. There are many lessons to learn along the way and our individual lives take the unique path that’s required for us to be able to learn.

At the same time as our personal travels there are many others on their own individual adventures.

It’s hard to see those around you learn lessons whether we have experienced them ourselves already or not.

Life is a journey and everyone’s path, although slightly varied, is actually so very similar; we all have never-ending lessons to learn.

The end of the journey is not the end of the learning

Find Me

As many of you who follow me as an author know, music is a huge part of my life. Most of the hundreds of blogs I have written have either song titles or lyrics as their titles.

Music inspires me and helps me massively on a daily basis.

When my dog Bella went missing two years ago many inspiration current pop songs helped me through the experience and the same is true for the recent experience of losing and then finding our dear treasured cat, Fudge.

Starboy and The Greatest both inspired me to write about Fudge. Also, the song Find Me by Sigma was a song that I seemed to hear a lot when he was missing and, my God, I was trying so hard to find him.

Of course it was a miracle to find Bella after eight weeks of being missing a mere 230miles away from home but there has, of course ,been another miracle given to me; that of actually finding Fudge.

That song Find Me helped me whilst Fudge was missing. It kept telling me not to give up and gave me hope that I would one day find him. I just didn’t know when.

I am so grateful of the messages that are sent to me through music. I consider them magical, inspirational messages in times of need.

Music, for me, is really the soundtrack of my life and I’m blessed to have that, as well as many other wonderful things, in my life.

Starboy

The search for Fudge has made him into a star. He already had a fan base because (those who know him will agree) he really is quite a remarkable cat and has an established reputation locally but, now he really is famous.

His picture has been everywhere social media, local press, shop windows, lampposts. So many joined in to try and reunite him with his family that love him more than words can say.

He’s been in our childrens’ lives for as long as they can remember and, of course, he’s been in my lovely husband’s life longer than I have. It was such a desperate thing to have him lost. I’m crying now, with happiness.

I can’t thank people enough for all the positivity, love, support and help that they have poured into the situation. All of the family have struggled the six weeks he has been missing – I actually blame the stress for having not been really well for a while but, surprisingly, I feel almost 100% better today.

I’m so grateful to be welcoming back our little star boy. The family hasn’t been the same without you Fudge.

Welcome home my beautiful friend. X

Love$ick

Gosh it’s a struggle without him.

It always is.

I feel myself riddled with anxiety and my insomnia is on absolute overdrive.

I spend most of the day feeling exhausted and sick even though I can’t actually stomach much.

Counting the days until he returns.

I need you, I want you.

I’m lovesick.

The Greatest

There is absolutely no question, as far as I am concerned, that Fudge is The Greatest Cat alive that I have ever known.

Arguably everyone considers their cat the greatest but, let me tell you the reasons why I consider Fudge Jenkins is worthy of such a title and then you can decide for yourself.

He loves a journey in the car, he loves to walk with the dogs on the beach, he loves a visit to the pub for some good old pub grub, he loves to accompany me at the horses, he loves to follow us into town, he loves to scavenge in the bins and bring back scraps for his two fellow housebound catty friends, he loves cuddles, he loves kisses, he loves to open the front door and let himself in and out, he loves to visit local shops, he loves to hang out with friends on The Killacourt, he loves to loiter on the taxi rank on Trebarwith Crescent.

This is just a small incite into the life of Fudge which is a constant and continuous adventure. He will continue to the be ‘The Greatest’ in my mind which is why I am not ready to give up and I won’t give up in my search for him. I got stamina.

Come home Fudge, I have a book to finish writing about your great adventures and I really don’t feel I can do it without you by my side encouraging me. X

Nothing Will Ever Change My Love For You

Fudge is lost and it’s almost unbearable.

It seems no matter what I do the message just isn’t getting through.

You need to come home Fudge.

Even if the odds are out, even if the words run out, even if the times are tough, nothing will ever change my love for him.

I will spend as long as necessary looking for Fudge, just as I did when Bella was missing.

I like to believe that the message from him is “I’m coming home to you.”

I truly hope you know, Fudge, that whatever happens, nothing will ever change my love for you.

He’s an absolute legend.

It’s a beautiful day

Everyday is a beautiful day. There are always beautiful things to appreciate but whether we are open to seeing them is an entirely different thing.

It’s actually up to you what you focus on each day of your life; the beautiful things or the not so beautiful things.

I could bore everyone with the not so beautiful things in my life but I prefer to make people appreciate how many beautiful things surround us; a beautiful family, beautiful animals, beautiful friendships and ultimately beautiful days.

Talk to the Animals

I have realized today that some of the best conversations I have had in my life have been with animals.

That is surreal but true.

Examples, to name but a few, include the dog who showed me she was stuck in brambles, the cat who showed me she had drowned, the horse that showed me why she was so frightened of people, the dog who showed me the moment she had died.

I became conscious today of how much I do talk to animals somewhat more so than I do humans. Today I spoke to all 5 of my herd of horses (some more than others), both dogs, my pet pheasant and all 3 of my cats. They have all had some form of interaction although there were some harsh words towards naughty Phoenix (one of our cat babies) who has now decided having watched Fudge too many times open the door by himself it is a task that he needs to at least attempt.

Do you know what you get when you talk to the animals? You get the truth, feelings and true emotion. Love my work. X

Kids

I think it’s a bit of a common misconception that back when we were kids life was better. I remember being regularly reminded when I was a child that school days were the best days of my life and it being reinforced that I should be making the most of them. I refuse to look back thinking days were better just because they are younger days. My school days were not the best days of my life; they really weren’t.

There is no doubt that life as a child is ‘different’ and when you are a kid the many burdens that come with adulthood aren’t present but there can be, for some children, very real life struggles. I had several struggles. Friendship was one of them. I was not popular and was a geek (arguably this is still true). I found myself jealous of those in close friendship groups but being alone was something I learned to accept.

I seem to have in my life, somehow, innocently stumbled across some who have felt the need to be quite horrid to me. This is true in both my childhood and subsequent adulthood. I look back retrospectively and think that being naïve has been one the main factors that has led to what seems to have been a repetition of finding myself in the company of unkindness. I don’t consider it has changed the level of kindness I offer my true friends. It remains the case that if I can help a friend in need I always will.

I have felt betrayal too many times in my life and despite meeting and marrying my best friend not so long ago, my life until about 2 years ago, remained without many close friends at all. I had retracted from friendships for fear of being hurt again.

I realised this morning whilst out horsing around with one of my lovely friends how blessed I am right now in many true and close friendships that I have now acquired. As I have grown older I have become wiser in ‘allowing’ friendships to grow. I have learnt to trust my instincts and now, when I met people, I seem to know and ‘feel’ whether they are the sort of people who should be in my life. The result is now I actually have some fantastic people in my life with whom I regularly share great ‘friendship’ moments. The happiness that that affords me is difficult to put into words. I feel a bit like a kid (this time a happy one) who on occasion wants to swing from the rafters just because I am happy and want to be a bit silly. I had best resist that urge though; I fear it might not end well! Perhaps the best days of my life are, now, when I have truly found happiness in myself and those that surround me?

All a dream

I am still very much struggling with my grief, although of course life does go on. As time passes I seem to be less of a blubbering mess on a daily basis now but, my God, it’s so hard to try and come to terms with the loss and I still have moments of inconsolable tears.

Small ‘silly’ things set me off. I had a dear friend who I haven’t heard from in a year contact me by email touching base and asking me of my news and how things are with me in life. Replying back to her and just typing those words “Granma died” saw me almost drowning in a ferocious self-induced waterfall of tears. Writing those words down reinforced the awful reality. Perhaps when I don’t say or write it I can pretend in my head that it’s actually not true and pretend it is all a dream? Ridiculous really. Composure is not something I seem to have much of these days when it comes to facing the reality of loss.

I regularly wish it was all a dream and that, in fact, she isn’t lost.

Some of my friends have suffered their own personal loss recently and I so wish I could take away that horrible consuming emotion of grief. I know it too well. It’s gut wrenching and I really wish that it wasn’t something that we have to experience in life but, we all do have to at some point. To me it feels like someone ripping out part of your heart and I don’t think you actually ever truly recover from it. There will always be a hole where that being sat in your life. That’s my reality and my experience anyway.

I do so wish it was all a dream. I miss you everyday Granma and love you so very very much. X

Always look on the bright side of life

There are always challenges, there are always difficulties, there are always troubling experiences in life but I’m actually not one to moan (well not much).

I’m not sure why but I’m an inherently optimistic person and, actually, I think I have always been that way.

Life is about learning and every experience is one of learning; even the unpleasant ones.

Whenever anything challenging or difficult happens I manage to somehow find a silver lining – there actually always is one just sometimes you have to search really hard to find it. There are constant lessons to be learnt from every experience.

What have I learnt this week in my week of “experiences”?

Getting my coat stolen initially made me feel angry but I learnt to let go and thought perhaps that was a sign that after 3 years it was time to save for another less bedraggled coat. The moment I let go of my anger, as if by magic, my coat was delivered back to me by what can only be described as an Angel.

What did I learn when I was involved in what could have been a very serious car accident this week? I learnt that my reflexes are pretty good in an emergency situation – had I not had the foresight to swerve hard the tractor would have hit me head on with God knows what outcome. At the very least I don’t think I would have been walking away physically unscathed like I did.

I also learnt that the emotional side of an RTA is very real and a bit scary and, although the experience will haunt me for a while and continue to make me feel physically sick, I will, in time, recover. I just need to give myself time to get through it.

I also “learnt” that my husband is always there to hold my hand when I need him most. I actually, of course, already knew that but it was a nice reminder. I went into shock immediately after the accident happened and “my knight in shining armour” came to my rescue.

It’s been a trying week but in my future experiences I will try (as I have this week) to continue to “always look on the bright side of life.” Life is too short to be negative and miserable. X

Why have they got to be so mean?

I have been reminded recently how mean people can be and it makes my blood boil. I have been on the receiving end of those type of people in the past and it’s horrid.

Those that undermine other people’s decisions attempt to shatter self-confidence and self-belief by using words like knives. Their intention is to knock the weaker off their feet. There is a name for such people; they are bullies, not friends.

Somebody obviously made those bullies cold and it’s more than likely that they got pushed around in their own lives at some point but, the cycle ends now and I will not tolerate mean people.

Mean people are many things; liars, pathetic, jealous, and, rightly so, alone in life.

Go be mean somewhere else.

Friends

My life has been filled with opportunities of friendship but I have learnt to nurture only those who are true and give back on an equal scale.

If people are self centred and selfish then they can carry on in their lives without my presence. If they are the type of people who ask me how I am and honestly want to know the true answer (whatever that may be) and support me through times of trouble then I embrace them and they are the people that I call my friends.

We can be friends if you know the meaning of friendship and see it as a two way thing; put your hand on my shoulder and I will do the same for you. If you just want to lean on me in your times of trouble and use me when you need me with absolutely no regard for what I might be going through in my life then you can just jog on and we can not be friends.

Today I have spent time with two friends that I haven’t spent any quality time with for years and it’s reminded me how wonderful they are and what a positive impact they have on my life.

I do hope that they both know that “we can be friends” in the very true sense of the word.